Time to tell the Family
#7284039
06/11/21 07:39 PM
06/11/21 07:39 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223 Midlands South Carolina
SGT. C
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223
Midlands South Carolina
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to go screw themselves. When is the appropriate time? I have held my tongue over the years and have went out of my way to to help at my expense. One reason I moved to South Carolina from Florida. Been here13 years and none have come to visit. They expect me to come to them and that was the way when i lived just 50 miles from all of them. So, this year I've extended the olive branch one more time about a few of us getting together and seeing a college football game(all the men folk love college football). I would be the one occuring the greatest expense/time and yet I get lame arse excuses.
I'm thinking about setting the boundaries and go from there. Or do I hold my tongue and except that is the way things have and always will be. And I stay in my corner and live and do what I want without giving a flip as in trying to be a family member. Sarge
Getting old is a fatal mistake
Always looking for reloading componets
I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284049
06/11/21 07:49 PM
06/11/21 07:49 PM
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,792 Western Shore Delaware
SJA
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,792
Western Shore Delaware
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You can only be a family member if you, or they, choose to or not to.
"Humans are the hardest people to get along with." Dr. Phillip Snow
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284051
06/11/21 07:52 PM
06/11/21 07:52 PM
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 5,436 New York border
Cragar
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 5,436
New York border
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I would just mellow and just ride things out quietly. I used to take a long vacation every year to Florida. When my mother retired to NC I split my time visiting her and then going to Florida for fun in the sun. I kinda hated it at the time as Florida was more fun.
Then she passed away. I look back now and am glad I spent the time with her. I can go to Florida anytime it will be there. I am very grateful for the time I spent with my mom.
NRA benefactor member
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284057
06/11/21 07:58 PM
06/11/21 07:58 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223 Midlands South Carolina
SGT. C
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223
Midlands South Carolina
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Yep, i know family can cause the greatest heartaches known to man. I haven't been back in nearly 6 years( i do call) since my Dad passed away. It sucks.
Getting old is a fatal mistake
Always looking for reloading componets
I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284058
06/11/21 07:58 PM
06/11/21 07:58 PM
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Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 1,497 Southern NJ
maintenanceguy
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trapper
Joined: Mar 2019
Posts: 1,497
Southern NJ
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I would just stay away from toxic people and drama. No point in upping the drama by giving them a piece of your mind. Doesn't accomplish anything and won't even make you feel better.
As to helping: I'm not sure what helping really means here but...
Are you helping someone who is your responsibility like your minor child? If not, it's not your job. Decline to "help" as politely as you can next time it comes up and if they get mad, tell them you'd be happy to talk about it when they've calmed down. And then, stop participating.
I suspect that as soon as you stop helping, they will stop being interested.
My wife hasn't talked to her mother in almost 30 years. She isn't mad at her. It still makes her sad. But mom was really, really crazy and bad for my wife, so she had to cut ties to be healthy. Family isn't always easy.
-Ryan
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284059
06/11/21 07:59 PM
06/11/21 07:59 PM
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Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 20,337 The Hill Country of Texas
Leftlane
"HOSS"
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"HOSS"
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 20,337
The Hill Country of Texas
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The less time I spend with the comings and goings of the self centered and outright negative ppl I know the happier I am bud. Does it suck that some of them are family? Sure it does but the rule still stands.
“What’s good for me may not be good for the weak minded.” Captain Gus McCrae- Texas Rangers
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284065
06/11/21 08:03 PM
06/11/21 08:03 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223 Midlands South Carolina
SGT. C
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223
Midlands South Carolina
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I just don't want to get the dreaded phone call and have any regrets. But, at the same time, it shouldn't be one sided. Sarge
Getting old is a fatal mistake
Always looking for reloading componets
I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284070
06/11/21 08:08 PM
06/11/21 08:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223 Midlands South Carolina
SGT. C
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223
Midlands South Carolina
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I don't do facebook. So, i really don't know what they are doing most of time. Not sorry about not being on facebook. Can't stand the crap. So, I suppose if i don't call or text. I won't know how they are doing. Just chewed my brothers arse for not telling me he went under the knife until I called to see if he was interested in going. He fully understood where i was coming from when I hung up the phone. This is the kind of crap I'm talking about.
Last edited by SGT. C; 06/11/21 08:10 PM.
Getting old is a fatal mistake
Always looking for reloading componets
I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284071
06/11/21 08:09 PM
06/11/21 08:09 PM
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Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,792 Western Shore Delaware
SJA
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 2,792
Western Shore Delaware
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I just don't want to get the dreaded phone call and have any regrets. But, at the same time, it shouldn't be one sided. Sarge Why should YOU have any regrets if YOU have "extended the olive branch" . . . screw 'em.
"Humans are the hardest people to get along with." Dr. Phillip Snow
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284072
06/11/21 08:10 PM
06/11/21 08:10 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 10,684 Philippines, s.e. asia,ohio
west river rogue
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 10,684
Philippines, s.e. asia,ohio
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you cant change other people and dont expect your wants to be theirs. My good friend retired master sgt 27 yrs is the most easy going guy I know,and accepts people for who they are. I think he has it cornered.
Last edited by west river rogue; 06/11/21 08:12 PM.
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: Grandpa Trapper]
#7284115
06/11/21 08:50 PM
06/11/21 08:50 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223 Midlands South Carolina
SGT. C
OP
trapper
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OP
trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,223
Midlands South Carolina
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As I've gotten older, I am less interested in what most family is doing. I have my wife and kids and they are the priority. I am plenty busy and am not looking for more obligations.
You don't have to get too wound up about it. Don't go visit. If they don't visit you, that's on them. Don't feel guilty about it and it doesn't have to be a conflict. It just is what it is and I wish you luck thinking this through.
My $0.02. Depends on how and what you tell them. Telling them you are disappointed in a harmless tone is one thing as compared to telling them off. If you do the former, then go on with your life. I have had friends and family ask me over the years why I never visit and I said it is a two way street. I say stop over and visit sometime and then I let it go. I will think this through. I'm ready to go by myself. Much easier at times. I'm thinking about calling it off and marking off a bucket list item. Might go to Tallahassee and see FSU(my favorite team ) and Notre Dame at night on Sept. 5th. Less stress on my part.
Getting old is a fatal mistake
Always looking for reloading componets
I know a beaver or two, because I've seen a beaver or two
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284116
06/11/21 08:50 PM
06/11/21 08:50 PM
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Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 5,526 West Central MN
20scout
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Nov 2017
Posts: 5,526
West Central MN
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The more I deal with people (family included) the more I like my dog. I walked away from my toxic family about 15 years ago. The only regret was not doing it sooner. I still have a few family members that I stay in touch with and they all understand but don't have whatever it takes to do what I did. Life is so much less complicated now.
Common sense is a not a vegetable that does well in everyone's garden.
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Re: Time to tell the Family
[Re: SGT. C]
#7284201
06/11/21 10:54 PM
06/11/21 10:54 PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,857 Magna, Utah
GritGuy
trapper
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trapper
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 8,857
Magna, Utah
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Seems to me the one thing you hate all the crap on, Facebook, is what you need to have to learn about what the family is doing, be cheaper in the long run, when one or the other gets upset you just check out !
No one to twist your arm or you theirs to do anything with anyone !
Maybe you having a trial of your mortality and feeling guilty about the relationships, who knows, but obviously you have no control about any type of relationships having been away and even there not doing anything, seems like a family that is happy jabbering on the phone once every year or more and thats it.
Don't know why anyone wants to be around any one else, when those don't care about you being around them !
Sorry if my opinions or replies offend you, they are not meant to !
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