So please explain this to me, I really only have experience with this in the midwest. My family is blended I have 4 kids from my first marriage (first wife is deceased) I have 2 kids with my second wife..... why does everyone want to make clarification that my wife is the older kids STEP MOTHER, not really their mother, the comment is always made in a condescending or negative manner. She has been their mom for over a decade..... sometimes Midwest nice makes me Midwest ****ed off

Think that’s a Yankee thing. Down here it’s like Momma 1 and Momma 2. I grew up with 2 older step brothers and a step sister and 2 half brothers. They all had the same last name except for me. I was 16 before anyone in our church realized my Dad was my stepdad and I didn’t have their last name, lol.

I guess that’s one nice thing about Iowa if you don’t say most people don’t ask so we don’t make any judgments.

You may be the most important person in the world for a child and they you, but because of the weakening, but still strong biological imperative to reproduce, most people still count adopted children's connection as lesser than someone's natural born children's connection. It will probably always be that way until our species stops reproducing and dies out.

In your case, some of is probably based on loyalty to your deceased wife.

The polite thing to do is to say nothing and mind your own business.

Keith

Just don't hang out with those people........"everyone "

Life is short

That is a though thing for families. I feel the kids can choice how they want to address/name/call their parents.

I would just tell the folks that in reality the proper clarification is this is their mother. Smile when you say it, but then look at them firmly.

I have been a--stepfather for over45 years , Their husbands are my son in laws;their sons are my grandsons;our daughter is considered by them as their sister--not their half sister'
Never in all those years have I encountered or heard any negativity about being a step father,
Sorry you are having these problems--I live 2 miles from wisconsin,so I
am as midwestern as you,
As a matter of fact--my oldest step daughter,would have rather had me walk her down the aisle than her father--but to keep the peace with him,she had him do it--and I understood.
Tom

It distinguishes between the kids two fathers or two mothers,one being biological and one not.A step is often more of a parent than the biological parent although not always.

In most cases in legal matters biological is considered more important than other relationships and that may well carry over into the society and culture outside of legal.

Bryce

Bryce, in TODAY'S world that is hard to believe....legal is a word that means very little any more...it seems.

Wild -WI, I'd love to know if this is in regards to a legal matter of just an every day matter....people related.

My brother and sisters biological mom is a usless pos homeless druggie except when she is shocked up with some guy or in jail. My mom adopted them and is there true mother. biological has nothing to do with it other than the kids tendency for poor choices and behavior patterns. Can't seem to escape the genetics. But they are all light years ahead of their biological parents just not where we had hoped-for them to be.

(This word is unacceptable on Trapperman) your Yankee thing,,,,,,,,,you lost,,,,,,,
Poed because you didn’t get a Casio?????

Carpet baggers went to DC,,,……
The first democrats,,,,,, begging for mercy…….

Now back to America,,,,,,,,,,,

Nioce to be proud of were you are from,,,,, but…. Remember,,,,,this is America,,,,, i think we defeated that Mexicans together ………

If a kid can have “two mommies” or “two daddies” nowadays and no one is supposed to question that, then they certainly shouldn’t insist on calling someone a stepparent.
Blended families are the norm anymore.
Nobody should question what makes it work.

This^^^

Stop talking to the judgmental old biddies,

There are two ways to look at this IMO. One, the one most seem to assume based on the comments above, is that the term "step parent/child" has a derogatory connotation. The other is to see it as a compliment to the step parent because they are special people who stepped up to take the kids into their heart.

The wife brought home a 5 day old baby almost 10yrs ago. Brennan was a Senior and Zac was a Sophomore…even before finally being able to adopt when he was 4.5 I called him my son and my boys called him bubba. Rumors flew about whose it was, lol. Some thought mine from an affair and some thought he was one of my boys. Eventually they realized he was my son and their brother. Someone at Brennans High School made some derogatory comment and he quickly took care of that issue. Since that time, if any have “talked” about what they thought, they kept it private, lol.
I’m fairly “darker skinned” and my boys were as well. Since CJ is half Hispanic he fit right in. In fact, some that really don’t know have commented how he looks just like Brennan when he was younger. We just smile and agree. I’ve always been Dad and the wife has always been Momma.