I guarantee you all 4 are disappointed in both of you

When it comes to the kids it's not a competition.

When it comes to the rest????? Make sure you are looking out for your interests.

Thankfully the kids are grown and you don't have the added stress of custody

If you have been the example for them and how they conduct themselves, yes they are.

Prayers for you both.

If that is the case there won't be any competition

Have you considered or tried counseling?

Shame to throw away nearly 40 years

I understand in some cases it is necessary but I would try all options

Prayers for the both of you

Sorry to hear about your troubles 330. Best advice I can give is to make sure you have a lawyer overseeing everything as it’s very hard to be objective in these situations. Also make sure that all communications between you is through text or email and regardless of how you might be feeling do not say anything that you would not want read out loud in court. It can be hard with that much history between but the best thing you can do is be direct in your communications and don’t get sucked into an argument.

Good luck sir and we are here if you need to vent.

We are still in our house together

Angry calm
then reversal every day is a crap shoot
Minnesota is a No fault divorce State

The reasons for a divorce don't come into play (in court)

Over 1/3 0f my life has been on Tman

Friends here are family
Even DD

Having people at your side and someone you can talk to you trust really helps a guy get through

Not sure the reasoning but 40 years and you can`t work it out. Feeling sad for both of you.

I doubt a judge will sign off on an divorce with out both parties having attorneys, keep the kids out of it and remember material goods are just that. There will be financial situations both of you will over look for taxes, debt, retirement annuity and SS issues. Most divorces start out without attorneys and end up a mess and the state laws are basically no fault. Have the attorney explain state required settlement laws. In many cases its a 50/50 split of all property and resources except kids or benefits the kids are entitled. If the two parties and attorneys cant come up with an agreement the judge will and neither side will be happy but most cases never go to court and one party gives in when they finally see what an attorney cost them. With attorneys, remember time is their stock in trade and they get paid for every second, so no idle chit chat, the clock will start when you walk in and end not when you walk out, but when their work for you is done. A paragraph letter can cost you a $100 bucks when your billed.

Quitter. Sorry, but I have to say it. You are lucky I did not attend your wedding because I would hold you accountable to your vows. You stood before God and told Him you would remain married to your spouse. I say this to you because I care about you. I care about your bride and I care about your children and the generations that follow. I encourage you to repent, turn to God, and keep your mouth shut. The Lord can raise the dead. Restoring a marriage is nothing to Him. You just have to repent and turn to Him, and believe what He says about you. Believe what He says about marriage and understand what He says about divorce. One of you has a hardened heart, and likely both now. I encourage you to get alone with God and allow Him to speak to you. We ALL are sinners but some of us have chosen to believe in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. He saves us from our sinful nature of the flesh when we humble our pride and receive His forgiveness.

I challenge you to give God 48 hours of your life and attend Mens Encounter down here in Missouri August 15-17. I am only asking for 48 hours of your life and will gladly pay you back for all your registration expenses etc if you can commit. It is just a bunch of messed up guys who begin to understand the love that Jesus has for us. Oh, by the way, I also grew up AG, but now worship with amish, mennonite, catholic, lutheran, protestant, and those that havent even figured out a label........we just love Jesus.

https://encounterministry.org/mens-encounter

Lord, I pray You begin to soften this heart of stone and turn it to a heart of flesh. Lord, I pray Your peace that passes all understanding begins to overwhelm this man. Jesus may You overwhelm him with your true love that You hold for him even in this current valley. Satan I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ out of this marriage. You have no authority over this man or woman and God has a divine plan for this marriage and to use them for His kingdom for generations to come. Lord I pray Your guidance and wisdom begin to flow over both this man and woman and may they hit their knees in repentance as they truly begin to seek You first and foremost in their lives. Lord above all - may they learn to love one another and may they learn to forgive as You have forgiven us.
Please Don't Quit - Real Men Fight on Their Knees - I love you brother.

… I’m with you 330 …. Thin brown line

I agree with BT. I've been married this year for 50 years. Can't imagine anything could be that bad to throw that away. There had to be something good to stay together for almost 40 years. Consider counseling. I will be praying for both of you.

One thing to remember about gambling addictions is they are as strong as a heroin addiction. Not easy to overcome.

I like the idea that you're seeking solace and advice with your Trapperman family. You may not get the best advice here but it will be free and heartfelt!

So here's mine: Get out there and catch 1000 skunks this fall and winter and save the farm! You keep the tails and give her the essence.

Sorry to hear this.

Some can do it without a lawyer. But advice is good. Sometimes you can get a lawyer that will talk with both of you and act as a referee - but most won't do that because they have what they think is ''fair'' in their own minds.

I did this 5 years ago and tried to do it without a lawyer. I ended up hiring one for advice but my ex- blew up and thought she needed one then two. Her's was like Snidely Whiplash. Everyone but that guy tried to get along. He blew it all up. I got an appraiser to set the value of things but since it was COVID the values were low. I have a farm and business and had to pay her half of the worth of each one. Her lawyer said the appraisers were wrong and the farm and business were worth way more and actually got more for her. I had to get loans to do that but did keep all of it. I will have one year left to go on paying off the business this September. The farm still has about 25 years left on the mortgage.

I would get it in writing that there will not be a lawyer. And get her to sign and you sign so it is a real agreement that would hold up. If it's about money you just have to set prices on things and agree to those. That takes time. You have to divide things and that takes time too. It's was better for me to divide possessions than it is to set dollar amounts on them. I had a pie plate that I wanted so I hid it. That was almost WW3......My ex- is a hoarder and she just had to have that pie plate. If you need it my advice is to let it go.

I would try to hang onto the farm no matter what. Even if you have to live in a tent. They aren't making any more land.

Clearly you have never spent time with a Physico. Sometimes you just have to cut and run.

In the end find some peace of mind and happiness living in stress is a killer, don’t let others judge you do what’s best enjoy the rest of your life you are the one living it.

I am glad Jesus didn't cut and and run and just enjoy the rest of His life. Pretty sure He spent time with demoniacs, possessed, mentally ill, physically ill, deranged, thieves, beggars, tax collectors and even some fishermen. What would He do? It is ok to cry out in anguish and pain and suffering. But again, what would Jesus do? When I gave my vows - I meant to keep them. I will never divorce my bride. I will not even allow satan to entertain the thought in my mind - because I know, such thoughts are not of God. We are in spiritual warfare, some of you can't see that past your anger, resentment, and pure hatred.

160 ain't Jesus....

He's a natural born Sinnah

Especially when all her Female relatives, GF's and THEIR GF's stick their noses into it.

That's great that you will never divorce your wife. I feel the same way about my wife. But, what if she's the one who is determined to get the divorce?