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Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions #8444177
07/28/25 09:35 AM
07/28/25 09:35 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Minnesota
330-Trapper Offline OP

trapper
330-Trapper  Offline OP

trapper

Joined: Dec 2006
Minnesota
40 YRS Married in August 10
we didnt make it

Question She says no lawyers

But we're 4 days in on trying to be amicable- and its going south.

So should I get a lawyer?

Thanks in advance


NRA and NTA Life Member
www.BackroadsRevised@etsy.com




Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444179
07/28/25 09:42 AM
07/28/25 09:42 AM
Joined: Mar 2010
2A Sanctuaries-W. OK & N. NM
Blaine County Offline
trapper
Blaine County  Offline
trapper

Joined: Mar 2010
2A Sanctuaries-W. OK & N. NM
Get a lawyer. Even if he/she is quietly advising you for now. You'll likely have tax and financial questions.

Sorry about the divorce.

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444180
07/28/25 09:43 AM
07/28/25 09:43 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
williamsburg ks
D
danny clifton Offline
"Grumpy Old Man"
danny clifton  Offline
"Grumpy Old Man"
D

Joined: Dec 2006
williamsburg ks
I am sorry to hear that. Been there. It's hard.


Those who would give up essential liberty, to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444182
07/28/25 09:48 AM
07/28/25 09:48 AM
Joined: Dec 2006
Northern Ohio ...
S
Sullivan K Offline
"Keith"
Sullivan K  Offline
"Keith"
S

Joined: Dec 2006
Northern Ohio ...
I have a cousin that is a lawyer. She was married to a lawyer. They got divorced. She hired a lawyer, he didn’t. She said it was a big mistake on his part.

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444185
07/28/25 09:52 AM
07/28/25 09:52 AM
Joined: Nov 2011
New Hampshire
N
Nessmuck Offline
trapper
Nessmuck  Offline
trapper
N

Joined: Nov 2011
New Hampshire
Too much time on Trapperman....and she feels ,left out ???

One has to go... ...TMAN for the Win !!!

Lawyer UP !!

Last edited by Nessmuck; 07/28/25 09:53 AM.

It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444186
07/28/25 09:52 AM
07/28/25 09:52 AM
Joined: Jan 2009
Nebraska
T
Trapset Offline
trapper
Trapset  Offline
trapper
T

Joined: Jan 2009
Nebraska
Lawyer or no lawyer, don’t get hung up on stuff just because other side wants/likes it more. Deals get routinely stalled over the dumbest little things just because one side knows an item means more to the other side.

I usually say beer and/or whiskey helps everything. This is the exception, not a good time to increase your drinking, if your a drinker.

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444189
07/28/25 09:55 AM
07/28/25 09:55 AM
Joined: Dec 2019
Iowa
C
CTRAPS Offline
trapper
CTRAPS  Offline
trapper
C

Joined: Dec 2019
Iowa
I heard it said once upon a time that "the man who represents himself in court (or divorce settlement in your case) has a fool for a client."

Don't be that guy; I'd get legal representation.


Life Member: ITA, IBA, MTA & NRA. Member of SA, FTA & NTA
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444194
07/28/25 10:06 AM
07/28/25 10:06 AM
Joined: Oct 2017
perry co.Pa
wetdog Offline
trapper
wetdog  Offline
trapper

Joined: Oct 2017
perry co.Pa
I'm twice divorced, both times I just let them have everything they wanted
Pull the bandaid off and walk away

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444202
07/28/25 10:17 AM
07/28/25 10:17 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Dunbar, Wisconsin
P
Pike River Offline
trapper
Pike River  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Dunbar, Wisconsin
Im truly sorry.

If you retain a lawyer she will find out. Its part of the record.

If you dont mind sharing, what does amicable look like?

Lawyers generally in this day and age are just shooting for what's required by statute and generally do conflict resolution.

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: Trapset] #8444203
07/28/25 10:18 AM
07/28/25 10:18 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Dunbar, Wisconsin
P
Pike River Offline
trapper
Pike River  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Dunbar, Wisconsin
Originally Posted by Trapset
Lawyer or no lawyer, don’t get hung up on stuff just because other side wants/likes it more. Deals get routinely stalled over the dumbest little things just because one side knows an item means more to the other side.

I usually say beer and/or whiskey helps everything. This is the exception, not a good time to increase your drinking, if your a drinker.


Solid advice here.

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444204
07/28/25 10:21 AM
07/28/25 10:21 AM
Joined: May 2009
Champaign County, Ohio.
K
KeithC Offline
trapper
KeithC  Offline
trapper
K

Joined: May 2009
Champaign County, Ohio.
I am sorry to hear that Scott. Get a lawyer. Do your best to keep your children and grand children out of it. It will mess them up. I got stuck mediating my parent's divorce. It was bad for me.

Keith

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444205
07/28/25 10:21 AM
07/28/25 10:21 AM
Joined: Sep 2013
Green County Wisconsin
G
GREENCOUNTYPETE Offline
trapper
GREENCOUNTYPETE  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Sep 2013
Green County Wisconsin
unfortunately yes lawyer , give them clear expectations of what you want and what you don't.


a real shame , hard to imaging you are a big enough A-hole to need to get away from you after she didn't see the need for 39 years.

that makes her what 60 at least what is her plan for the future that is so much better without you.

I mean maybe you have been 2 people living in the same house married but not really connected for 20 years and so she wants to try and start over before it is too late.

I have been taking a little look at the dating pool at 46 and thinking , shoot I miss my wife (she passed away from cancer didn't divorce me)

who knows , certainly not I but yes if amicable is going south , lawyer up.


America only has one issue, we have a Responsibility crisis and everything else stems from it.
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: KeithC] #8444207
07/28/25 10:23 AM
07/28/25 10:23 AM
Joined: Oct 2018
Dunbar, Wisconsin
P
Pike River Offline
trapper
Pike River  Offline
trapper
P

Joined: Oct 2018
Dunbar, Wisconsin
Originally Posted by KeithC
I am sorry to hear that Scott. Get a lawyer. Do your best to keep your children and grand children out of it. It will mess them up. I got stuck mediating my parent's divorce. It was bad for me.

Keith

For the sake of learning from your experience, how old were you?

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444208
07/28/25 10:24 AM
07/28/25 10:24 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
central Haudenosaunee, the De...
W
white marlin Offline
trapper
white marlin  Offline
trapper
W

Joined: Jan 2007
central Haudenosaunee, the De...
get a lawyer.

ESPECIALLY, if she says don't get one.

too many horror stories (not personal ones, but...)

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444209
07/28/25 10:24 AM
07/28/25 10:24 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
north Idaho
W
wissmiss Offline
trapper
wissmiss  Offline
trapper
W

Joined: Jan 2007
north Idaho
When I got divorced many years ago, it was a friendly split and we wanted one lawyer to handle everything. He declined, saying we each needed out own lawyer. Said it was best for the long run.

Get a lawyer and encourage her to get one as well.

Sorry about your situation.


www.usedtraps.com

Please check out my updated inventory of Native American books.

Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444210
07/28/25 10:26 AM
07/28/25 10:26 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Alaska and Washington State
W
waggler Offline
trapper
waggler  Offline
trapper
W

Joined: Jan 2008
Alaska and Washington State
A marriage is a legal contract, when a contract is broken it generally requires legal representation, even in a friendly situation.
Sorry to hear this Scott.


"My life is better than your vacation"
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444215
07/28/25 10:29 AM
07/28/25 10:29 AM
Joined: Sep 2013
Green County Wisconsin
G
GREENCOUNTYPETE Offline
trapper
GREENCOUNTYPETE  Offline
trapper
G

Joined: Sep 2013
Green County Wisconsin
my one thought would be make one last offer , put the farm into a trust to leave it to the kids and grand kids , then divide savings and retirement accounts in half , she keeps her car. takes anything for housewares , furniture other stuff in the house and you help her with rent for 6 months at an apartment. if that isn't amicable where she leaves a legacy for her kids and grand kids in the land , then yup lawyer up

could play it the other way also she stays living in the house and you build a pole shed with an apartment for you to live in but the farm and buildings go into trust for the kids and grand kids.

depends does she want to move away or not


America only has one issue, we have a Responsibility crisis and everything else stems from it.
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444219
07/28/25 10:41 AM
07/28/25 10:41 AM
Joined: Jan 2007
MN
160user Offline
trapper
160user  Offline
trapper

Joined: Jan 2007
MN
They rarely end well or else they wouldn't end. You each need to get a lawyer and be prepared to end up spending a bunch of money arguing over a vase that was given to you as a wedding gift that neither of you really wants.


I have nothing clever to put here.





Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: wissmiss] #8444223
07/28/25 10:44 AM
07/28/25 10:44 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
NC, Person Co.
QuietButDeadly Offline
trapper
QuietButDeadly  Offline
trapper

Joined: Sep 2010
NC, Person Co.
Originally Posted by wissmiss
When I got divorced many years ago, it was a friendly split and we wanted one lawyer to handle everything. He declined, saying we each needed out own lawyer. Said it was best for the long run.

Get a lawyer and encourage her to get one as well.

Sorry about your situation.


This advise is spot on!

If everything was amicable, you would not be getting a divorce. The chance of you both agreeing to terms is slim and none. She has her ideas and you have yours and you both need representation handling your assets.

And the emotional toll on both of you and your family is another matter you both may need help with as well.


Life Member: NCTA, VTA, NTA, TTFHA, MFTI
Member: FTA
Re: Wife and I are Divorcing-Questions [Re: 330-Trapper] #8444224
07/28/25 10:44 AM
07/28/25 10:44 AM
Joined: Jan 2018
MN
D
Donnersurvivor Offline
trapper
Donnersurvivor  Offline
trapper
D

Joined: Jan 2018
MN
I'm sorry.

I tried to get divorced without a lawyer, it was a nightmare, ended up using a lawyer in the end but I got ran through the ringer in the meantime.

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