40 YRS Married in August 10
we didnt make it

Question She says no lawyers

But we're 4 days in on trying to be amicable- and its going south.

So should I get a lawyer?

Thanks in advance

Get a lawyer. Even if he/she is quietly advising you for now. You'll likely have tax and financial questions.

Sorry about the divorce.

I am sorry to hear that. Been there. It's hard.

I have a cousin that is a lawyer. She was married to a lawyer. They got divorced. She hired a lawyer, he didn’t. She said it was a big mistake on his part.

Too much time on Trapperman....and she feels ,left out ???

One has to go... ...TMAN for the Win !!!

Lawyer UP !!

Lawyer or no lawyer, don’t get hung up on stuff just because other side wants/likes it more. Deals get routinely stalled over the dumbest little things just because one side knows an item means more to the other side.

I usually say beer and/or whiskey helps everything. This is the exception, not a good time to increase your drinking, if your a drinker.

I heard it said once upon a time that "the man who represents himself in court (or divorce settlement in your case) has a fool for a client."

Don't be that guy; I'd get legal representation.

I'm twice divorced, both times I just let them have everything they wanted
Pull the bandaid off and walk away

Im truly sorry.

If you retain a lawyer she will find out. Its part of the record.

If you dont mind sharing, what does amicable look like?

Lawyers generally in this day and age are just shooting for what's required by statute and generally do conflict resolution.

Solid advice here.

I am sorry to hear that Scott. Get a lawyer. Do your best to keep your children and grand children out of it. It will mess them up. I got stuck mediating my parent's divorce. It was bad for me.

Keith

unfortunately yes lawyer , give them clear expectations of what you want and what you don't.


a real shame , hard to imaging you are a big enough A-hole to need to get away from you after she didn't see the need for 39 years.

that makes her what 60 at least what is her plan for the future that is so much better without you.

I mean maybe you have been 2 people living in the same house married but not really connected for 20 years and so she wants to try and start over before it is too late.

I have been taking a little look at the dating pool at 46 and thinking , shoot I miss my wife (she passed away from cancer didn't divorce me)

who knows , certainly not I but yes if amicable is going south , lawyer up.

For the sake of learning from your experience, how old were you?

get a lawyer.

ESPECIALLY, if she says don't get one.

too many horror stories (not personal ones, but...)

When I got divorced many years ago, it was a friendly split and we wanted one lawyer to handle everything. He declined, saying we each needed out own lawyer. Said it was best for the long run.

Get a lawyer and encourage her to get one as well.

Sorry about your situation.

A marriage is a legal contract, when a contract is broken it generally requires legal representation, even in a friendly situation.
Sorry to hear this Scott.

my one thought would be make one last offer , put the farm into a trust to leave it to the kids and grand kids , then divide savings and retirement accounts in half , she keeps her car. takes anything for housewares , furniture other stuff in the house and you help her with rent for 6 months at an apartment. if that isn't amicable where she leaves a legacy for her kids and grand kids in the land , then yup lawyer up

could play it the other way also she stays living in the house and you build a pole shed with an apartment for you to live in but the farm and buildings go into trust for the kids and grand kids.

depends does she want to move away or not

They rarely end well or else they wouldn't end. You each need to get a lawyer and be prepared to end up spending a bunch of money arguing over a vase that was given to you as a wedding gift that neither of you really wants.

This advise is spot on!

If everything was amicable, you would not be getting a divorce. The chance of you both agreeing to terms is slim and none. She has her ideas and you have yours and you both need representation handling your assets.

And the emotional toll on both of you and your family is another matter you both may need help with as well.

I'm sorry.

I tried to get divorced without a lawyer, it was a nightmare, ended up using a lawyer in the end but I got ran through the ringer in the meantime.