Like a lot of people I’ve struggled for years forgiving myself for things I’ve done. Intellectually I knew that God already forgave me but forgiving myself was a real struggle. For whatever reason I felt like Gods forgiveness was for other people, not me. Man, the stuff I’ve done?! I couldn’t reconcile that in my mind. I’d discussed it with members of my small group, I’d confessed everything to God but could never comprehend freedom from my past.
A couple years ago I was trapping bobcat on a tract of family land and caught a little cat that I didn’t want to kill, it was pretty little. So I managed to get my choke stick on him and pinned him down and released his foot from my trap, removed the choke stick and backed away. He was exhausted from the process, I was too lol. But he didn’t run off, he continued laying like he had been with his foot tucked back as if he was still caught. It was cold here in Middle Georgia, I was tired and ready to go home but wanted to see the cat run off but he wouldn’t. He just stayed there, I’m sure you guys have seen this before. I had too but it was different this time. That cat just lay there looking at me, then look away and back at me. I threw a couple sticks at it but he wouldn’t go and I was getting frustrated. I thought to myself “ Go you idiot! I’m tired and ready to go! You’re fine! Go! You stupid cat! You’re free as a bird and don’t even know it!! “
Honestly it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I’m no different than that cat. I’m free from my past but wouldn’t move on. Free as a bird and don’t know it or can’t accept it! I’m not the crying type but there in the middle of nowhere in Wilkinson County Ga a tear came to my eye. It was proud for me. The thought came to me “ Boy, you must thing you are REALLY something special! I mean REALLY special! That the Blood of the Son of God isn’t capable of washing you clean!”!!” The Bible says “Who the Son sets free is free indeed” and I get it now and I’ve let it go.
I don’t know why I felt compelled to tell this story, maybe someone needed to see it. If you are struggling with a past you can’t escape from in your mind. Think about this. And let it go.
Happy Easter! He is Risen!
Ray
