another way I have heard it called "assume highest intent".

we live in a world where everyone is looking for everyone being out to get them , not everyone does this but a Lot of people are.

you need to assume from the start your spouse is never out to get you , that if they forgot a birthday or anniversary it was because they were busy worrying about some other stress or life.

don't try and read negative intent into everything , for people wired to see conflict in everything this is a huge task. it may take them checking in a lot to put aside what their brain is wired to tell them.

57 years for us, do not know the secret but some good ideas posted.

Learn subjective listening. Even a foolish person is thought to be wise when they are silent . . . sometimes it pays him to keep your mouth shut, and since this thread appears to be related to wives, there are two theories to arguing with women and neither one works, so IMHO, the man that best gets along with women, is the man that bests gets along without them! . . . HA!

If you can add two marriages collectively I will have 50 years of marriage this year. If you have to start over each time with the clock I have 15 + 35 years.

Getting the right choice of partners is key in the beginning which I believe has been stated. However, when we are young we don't always make the right choices and decisions. Looking back the first marriage should have lasted the test of time.

"But" I was of the thought back then, like an old cow, the grass looked greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes it is for some, other times not so much. My wife now of 35 years was my "greener pasture" back then.

She saw a man with a very different kind of life style / occupation and accepted that for what she could understand at that time. On the road trapping for months at a time each year and smelling of skunk and other putrid odors daily takes a special kind of gal to put up with that.

She has been in very poor health for the last 11 years. I found it to be my responsibility to care for her at home vs placing her in a care facility. I have been to a few of those places and felt I could do better keeping her at home. So here we are.

After all that she had to deal with in our many early years together, I felt I owed that much to her. She doesn't know me now due to her mental state but that doesn't seem to matter at this point. It is my turn to give back.

Be honest, don’t hold grudges. If there’s a problem talk about it now. Been married since 1989.

We will have 40 years (plus 4 years in HS) before I turn 60 in February. Love, respect, sometimes tolerance. IDK, We've always just got along. Almost no similar interests. She's indoors, I'm outdoors. She's introvert, I'm extrovert. She's Yankees, I'm Red Sox. Good kids and grandchildren keep you going too. Consider how much you would lose, not what you might gain.

Can't agree anymore with you on that statement. We are pretty much you in regards to all most complete opposites in likes. We do have strong characteristic on character. I think opposites have that on going interests in each other for their uniqueness and different views. We are both introverts.

45 years for us, no kids, we have always been best friends and have had lots of adventures together. Her maternal instincts make her take care of her manchild, and I make her laugh a lot!

52-years and counting. Stop taking yourself so seriously! Laugh at your mistakes. Listen to her suggestions and acknowledge when she’s right. Do things together even when you’d rather not.

Just celebrated 33yrs. Please and thank you goes a long ways.

Only 24 for me, but I found this woman online that gives out secrets about women that men can understand if you will put your pride in your pocket.

Women basically need two things from you. They need to be cherished as the most precious thing you have. And they need to be desired like you have been dating for two months.

Conversation. A LOT can be discerned by listening to the tone of her answers you ask. Don't take the tone serious. Use it as an indication of the mood she is in and adjust your type of conversation without asking anything. Example. When you see each other after work at home, listen to her answer when you ask how her day was. Adjust your tone and conversation accordingly. A light touch on the small of her back and a kiss saying you are sorry and she shouldn't be treated that way.

Hold her hand and open her door. Even the car door. Every time!! Require her to be a lady because you are going to be a gentleman.

Date!! Go out on a date every weekend. Hike, steak, sushi, music, something. Every single weekend. Date your wife. She will feel special.

It will take time. Be the man she knows will be her most safe place.

Always answer the phone when she calls. She is your priority one!!

Always kiss good night. Don't go to bed mad. Start each day with a kiss also.

Tell her or text her something she would enjoy every day.

Share responsibilities. You do yours she does hers.

If things are kind of bad in your relationship, it will take time to correct them. Trust the process. Don't let up. She will give in eventually.

Be the man and she will want to be the woman.

Let's be honest, making whoopi is important too for bonding and connection.

34 yrs today ........keep your eyes on the prize .....no shenanigans......be a man .....not a limp wristed P.....

42 years. I still call her "My Bride"

Marriage is not a 50/50 arrangement; you both need to give 100%!!!


A good friend of mine told me, "You need to decide if you want to be right or be happy"!

46 or so for me tommorow, lot of good stuff here. its the little things, I put a heated floor in the kitchen.

It also depends if you are asking how to stay married or how to stay “happily” married. One takes a whole lot more than the other IMO.

Just want to say Thank you to everyone who imparted their knowledge and experience to this post. There’s a lot of great advice here and it’s coming from like minded men. It can be used for newlyweds or those with many years of marriage. I’d say it’s worth a place in the archives. 15 years here and still learning through each new phase

FIFTY next year ,..proud of that ,..not my reward ,..my spouse held accountable. She should be