I'll start:

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him!

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn't matter he won't come anyway

Did you hear about the gay midget. He came out of the cabinet.

Keith

Two men walked into a bar. The third man ducked.

Keith

Did you hear they arrested the devil? He was arrested for possession.

Keith

How do you get down off an Elephant?

You don't get down off an Elephant. You get down off a Goose.

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asked, why the long face?



A baby seal walked into a club.



Charlie

Nancy Pelosi walked into a bar with a toad on her shoulder.

When the bartender asked, where'd you get that, the toad said it started out as a wart on my butt.


Charlie

What kind of bees make milk?


Boobies

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

An Irishman walks out of a bar!

Did you hear about the newfie that went ice fishing?

He caughr 200 lbs of ice and his wife drowned cooking it.

I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid. But I can stop anytime I want.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days?

I told him it must be my weekend immune system.

Did you hear about the Indian that drank to much iced tea? He drowned in his tepee

did you hear about the plastic surgeon that hung himself???

I went to bed ,and dreamt about tail pipes and mufflers..

I woke up exhausted

What do you call a diminutive clairvoyant that escaped from jail?


A small medium at large.




Charlie

Whats a good lawyer ?
One that gets your sodomy charges reduced to following too close.

Newfie? I guess that's like what we used to have in northern Michigan. Big Dumb Fins.
You know how to kill one of them?
Cut his head off,
and hide it from him.

The KING of the one liners

Pretentious? Moi?
(world's shortest one liner.)

Did you ever see Helen Kellers cat?
Neither did she.

The whole Kardashian family claimed Innocent when strip searched!!
They discovered 200 #s of Crack.

That one never gets old!

What do you call a cow with 2 short legs? Lean Beef

What do you call a xow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a cow with a nervous twitch? Beef Jerky

What do you call a cow that has just given birth? De Calf inated beef

Do you know why Helen Keller couldn't drive?
Because she was a woman.
(My apologies to our lady members!)

^

Two ants on the toilet seat got into an argument. One got pizzed off.

It took me a minute!

A toothless termite walked into a bar looked around and asked where's the bar tender.

A skeleton walks into a bar and tells the bartender "give me a beer and a mop."

Why was six afraid of nine? Because seven eight nine.

Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.

Keith

Joe Biden is YOUR President

Keith. THANK YOU.

I never knew what happiness was until I got married and then it was to late.

That, my friend, is why I never tell jokes. I screw them up more often than not.
That being said, that joke works just as well the way you told it, given the absolute corny nature of it,
You may have actually made that horrible joke better in my opinion.

Do you know difference between sexl and ham sandwich?

Want to go to lunch?

What do you call two Irishmen at a funeral?

One less drunk

Joe biden

What did Helen Keller say as she walked by thy fish market?

Mornin lady's!!

What did Helen Keller say as she walked by thy fish market?

Mornin lady's!!

You're welcome.

Keith

kamalla said, "So what if biden doesn't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world."

Keith

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but just like most liberals, none of them work.

Keith

obama told Michelle that he drew his eyebrows on too high, because Michelle seemed surprised.

Keith

When offered 5 million by Burisma, hunter biden said I'll take crack and that.

Keith

On weekends, hillary likes to hang out all her old friends, like jeffrey epstein.

Keith

biden makes multiple trips, every time he flies.

I'm proud of this one I just thought of. I think it may get a lot of use. I need to get my little brother to make a meme of it.

Keith

When biden stumbled over and started playing with one of his grandaughter's toys, his handler exasperatedly told him "No, I said it's time for Xi on the phone."

I think this one I just wrote might be better. You guys are getting it first.

Keith

If you let the clinton's know you have some dirt on them, you might get to hang around.

Keith

Did you hear about the lady who got fired from the Tickle Me Elmo, assembly line, on her first day. She misunderstood her bosses instruction to give him 2 test tickles.

Keith

The Ukanians are trying to use old German blitzkrieg tactics against russia. They are hoping to get putin on the blitz.

I like this one I just made too.

Keith

The old trapper asked his buddy to "Smell this." His buddy replied "That smells like crap!" The old trapper replied "Ya! But what should I add to it?.

My first ever trapping joke.

Keith

What did the disappointed blonde say after her date with the First Nations Canadadian? "That's not what I thought you meant when you said we were going clubbing."

Does this new joke of mine get your seal of approval, or should I take another crack at it, because it was a swing and a miss.

Keith

What did the 1800s trapper say when he caught the Indian stealing his trap? "Leave it Two Beaver."

I think I did good on this one too.

Keith

Do you know why animal rights whackos don't like seeing what was caught with Dobbins's fine line of products? They don't like lured dead photos.

Keith

What did the Sheriff say to the condom?
Cover Me I'm going in.

Did you hear that the words "pig castrator" are no longer classified in the English language as an adjective followed by a noun? Together, they are now classified as pronoun, that can represent anything.

Keith

Did you know that the proper, long form of "set and match", as used in tennis and board games, is "blue bucket set and match"?

Keith

To show his appreciation of trudeaus's governance of Canada, Boco is making him a chocolate bear, frost scraped icing, cake.

Keith

Did you know that Blaine County despises President Trump so much, he no longer uses trumped up evidence to win his cases?

Keith

Most of you probably remember the old kids joke that goes:

Kid 1 – “There’s a dead skunk in the middle of the road, I one it.”

Kid 2 – “I two it.”

Kid 3 – “I three it.”

Kid 1 – “I four it.”

Kid 2 – “I five it.”

Kid 3 – “I six it.”

Kid 1 – “I seven it.”

Kid 2 -- "I eight it."

Kid 1-- "Ewww, you ate it."

Lawdog never could never get into the flow of that joke, because he always answered "I quilled it."

Keith

Sorry,, not a one liner. A trappers nursery rhyme by KeithC.

Hay, dirthole, dirthole,
Bobcat in the middle,
The coyote howled at the moon,
The lure dog whizzed,
To mark the spot.
And I've got to get skinning soon.

Keith

Did you know that Wismiss has her own line of traps out? They come in a complete package, ready to use. You just tear one corner off. Pour the trap in hot water and sprinkle the enclosed marshmallows on top for bait.

Keith

Did you know that before Scott was 330-Trapper on Trapperman, he had a hip hop record album, where he styled himself Free Firty Rapper?

Keith

Fur prices are so low, that some trappers are getting skinned themselves.

Keith

Did you know that when Sharon travels and finds obstacles in her path, she just likes to horse around.

Keith

Did you here that when Satan was arrested for possession, he hired Boco to be his advocate, because none other was more well practiced.

Keith

Did you know, Danny Clifton doesn't want his credit card to be authorized for a higher limit because Danny hates authority?

Keith

(Barump bump!)

Did you know Hobbie Trapper always has really good attendance at his gigs? He really knows how to trap his audience.

Keith

Did you know that BigBob's beagles are in such good shape, that they ran down the Energizer Bunny? Poor Bob has been picking white stuffing out of his teeth for a week now.

Bob's suffering from horrific acid reflux too.

Keith

Did you know that Nessmuck bakes so much bread, that New Hampshire now has a hotter ambient temperature than Florida?

Nessmuck collects so much cast iron, that New Hampshire is now magnetic North.

Keith

Catherine and Patrice take such good care of their chickens, that when good chooks die, they opt out of heaven and instead reincarnate on their farms.

Keith

Like

Did you know, that without Paul Dobbins's diligent work trapping beavers in North Carolina, roads would be flooded, culverts clogged and beaver dams would litter every view. Basically, it would be a dam mess.

It's back breaking work hauling out beavers in the Southern heat, or is it more properly Backbreaker work?

Keith

Why are tires getting higher? Inflation.

Last night I slept like a baby. Woke up every two hours and cried.

Did you hear about the female peanut that walked down the street? She was "A - salted"

I decided to turn all of my wrist watches into a belt!

It was a "big waist of time!"

What is Forrest Gumps T-Man Password?

"One-Forrest-One!"

Many years ago, I saw the old comedian, Henny Youngman, king of the one liners.
He said, " I was standing on the corner when this lady of the night approached me and said, "For $100 I'll do anything you want."
I said, "OK, paint my house."

An obese lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm.
The bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?"
Lady says, "It's not a pig, it's a duck!"
Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck!"

I would post a one liner for Marty, but he would think it was a conspiracy.

Do you think they make adult sized putin Underoos?

Keith

Some people have a strong sense of self. Jurassic Park has a strong sense of selfie.

Keith

Scuba1 is definitely not a sour Kraut.

Pelican and Scuba can too, if it has anything to do with a boat.

Keith

Did you hear that Finster and Blaine County are collaborating on a new video series set to air on YouTube? It has a similar premise to the "Odd Couple". A conservative and a liberal have to live together despite their differences, all the while taking hilarious pot shots at each other.

Keith

Worlds shortest poem .-----FLEAS! ADAM HAD'EM.

when is a car not a car?

when it turns into a driveway

Lufkin Trapper. Where did you hear that one? In high school I got one A in english for that exact same joke. The instructor wanted the shortest poem you could think of and Adam sat in fornt of me always scratching his head. So that is what I wrote, Adam was not happy with me after that......jk

Used it myself in grade school in the '50's.

What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked in?

"You better not be starting anything!"

For Beaverpeeler on his Sweden trip.

What Do You Call Vegan Swedish Meatballs? Meatish Swedeballs.

Do you think if Beaverpeeler had a bar, you could see hairless beaver at it?

Keith

A three-legged dog walked into the saloon.....

Said I'm looking for the man that shot my paw!

A mushroom walked into the bar one night. They told it sorry, we don't serve your kind around here.

He said why not......, I'm a Fun Gi!

That's me.

Canada is so cold, that almost its entire, minuscule population lives huddled up against the US border, trying to stay warm.

Canada is so cold, that Canadians set over 20 million acres of woodlands on fire, just to have a Summer.

Canada is becoming so Asian, that Canadians now bow when saying "Sorry buddy."

Canada is so Asian now, that Canadians end every sentence with "Asia." instead of "Eh."

FreInch Canadian women are so hairy, that Canadian scientist speculate they have Sasquatch DNA.

Canadians are very proud of the War of 1812 and likewise that a 24 year old Canadian, professional boxer, beat Mike Tyson in a fight, back when Mike was almost 3 years old.

Keith

Missing Marty is such a conspiracy nut, that he's hiding out at the Planter's Peanut Factory.

Keith

Why does a groom really like to see his bride wearing white?
He wants the dishwasher to match the rest of the appliances.

Cathryn, this is what it looks like when what you heard knocking in the wondrous, wild woods of West Virginia, has finally come on in.



Keith

Most of us Americans are familiar with the abbreviation "BOGO" meaning "Buy one get one." andl less familiar with, the only heavily used in Canadian abbreviation "BOCO", which is short for "Buy one catch one."

Keith

Did you know, Wolfdog95 has modified his traps so much for the better, that they now skin and put up his catches for him.

Keith

What do you call someone who drives a ford truck?
You don’t (This word is unacceptable on Trapperman)

Stay away from trains. They have loco motives.

They said Californy is the place ya oughta flee so they loaded up the truck and went back to Tennessee.